Always Read the Ratings Fine Print

All movies rated by the MPAA get a description, detailing for parents exactly why the film got the rating. I mention this because the billboard for Mission Impossible III caught my eye in the subway today, and the precise language of the rating cracked me up. It warned that M:I:III was rated PG-13 for: "intense sequences of frenetic violence & menace, disturbing images & some sensuality."

Such specificity! It's not just violence, it's intense sequences of frentic violence. Frentic violence! Holy crap! That shit is INTENSE!

The MPAA should be lauded for trying to give parents a more complete picture of a film's content than just the letter rating. But, I'm such a prick that I went over to FilmRatings.com anyway, to see what other amusements could be had from ratings descriptions. Here are some other fascinating ratings descriptions:

THE HILLS HAVE EYES
Rated R for strong gruesome violence and terror throughout, and for language.

(Why not "pervasive, gruesome violence"? And I love how the language is such an afterthought. "Oh, and we almost forgot — there's dirty words too!")

MALLRATS
Rated R for strong language, including sexual dialogue, and for some scenes of sexuality and drug content.

(Note that sexual dialogue is a distinct entity from strong language, and that talking about sex is very different than scenes "of sexuality" whatever that means)

KUNG FU HUSTLE
Rated R for sequences of strong stylized action and violence.

(Isn't "stylized" more of a value judgment than a rating comment?)

AMERICAN PIE
Rated R for strong sexuality, crude sexual dialogue, language and drinking, all involving teens.

(Strong can mean intense but can't it also mean of high quality? Does that mean the sexuality in PIE is choice?)

That website is good for literally tens of seconds of entertainment. Enjoy.