Briefly: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

The character in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen that best exemplifies the movie itself is Devastator: an enormous monster, clumsily assembled from half a dozen disparate parts that's only good at lumbering around and striking badass poses. T:RotF is an action movie, a war movie, an alien invasion movie, a cartoon, a sex comedy, a moving Maxim pictorial, but it's not particularly effective as any of them. Mostly it just sits up there on the screen, looking like a million bucks (or maybe a couple hundred million bucks) but sounding like shit. That's because Michael Bay clearly doesn't care about anything except his low-angle, slo-mo, hyperstylish visuals; if he did, he probably would have addressed how characters walk out of the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum in Washington D.C. into an airplane graveyard somewhere in the Mountain West. Someday, scholars will someday study the film for its representation of America's early 21st century sexual and military power fantasies. For now, it is a lifeless husk of a blockbuster, loud, flashy, and utterly robotic.

(Suggested Transformers 2 drinking game: take a sip anytime one character screams another character's name at the top of his or her lungs.)